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30 April 2018

How To Cope If You're Bad At Colour (Like Me)

Slap me to Australia and call me Joe because at this point I'd rather be a totally different person in a completely different country and in a moderate amount of pain than in this English excuse for 'Spring'. What the hell, guys - it's May. May is the month that teeters from spring into late-spring, and sometimes might even be seen as the start of summer. May is not winter. Besides making me constantly cold and wet, the dreary grey skies have exacerbated my already terrible relationship with colour. Ten degrees doth not make me want to wear anything other than black. 

I pretend like it's a weather thing, but part of my affliction for clothes of the charcoal elk is probably more down to sheer laziness. If all your clothes are black, everything matches. Ketchup stains? Yes I have them, but if I'm wearing black, you'll never know. I'm not alone - a lot of us women know that black clothing is the lazy girls guide to style, and it's a guide I'm down with most of the time. 

That being said, summer is coming up and if there ever was a time to venture into the rainbow, those are probably the easiest months to do so. As such, I've come up with a few top tips about how to style it out if you're predisposed to think black is the only colour.

Firstly - navy is a colour! It counts! It Totally Counts! Just wear Navy! Navy is the summer version of black. If anyone tries to question this, show them a rainbow. It's true - there is no navy in a rainbow, but it will distract them so you can run away while they try and fail to locate navy in the rainbow.

If you really want to be adventurous, try a coloured accessory that is noncommittal and can easily be removed, like a boyfriend in a bright red jumper. Or, a ultramarine blue bag that your boyfriend will probably end up carrying anyway, so it won't actually ruin your entirely black look.

If you've already gotten rid of your boyfriend, or have successfully avoided contracting one up until this point, another seamless way to integrate colour into your wardrobe is to wear black., that won't work.

Ok, instead of that, wear black but with tiny tiny bits of colour on it, like my black jumper with small splodges of paint like pattern on which I have successfully hidden under this huge trench coat so that my attempt to be more bright is entirely thwarted.

If all of these ideas seem too far fetched for you, then maybe you aren't ready for colour. That's okay - you may never be, but what about your nails? Perhaps they're ready for colour! But whatever you do, don't get shellac, because then when you deeply regret the colour you chose, you've paid £30 for it and it won't ever, ever come off. Not ever. Unless you actually do like the colour you chose, in which case it you've still paid £30 and it will start peeling off the next day.

In all seriousness, black habits die hard and I'm probably never going to get much better at the whole colour thing. That's okay - but whatever you do, do not wear white. White will not hide ketchup stains. Not even white Acne Studios sneakers.

& Other Stories basically everything because they're good and I'm easy (except the trainers, which are some ketchup stained Acne Studios ones and the bag is Zara).

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